Joy in Sorrow

If not for You my heart would break.
If not for You I would find no Joy
If not your joy I would see no purpose for the pain.

My heart indeed is broken, you you put it back together with the skill of a master. Within your hands my heart rests. I find more sadness then joy now, and from You comes my only joy. It is for You I get up and wipe away the tears, but it is not only for You but by You I rise.

I know not the reason for the sorrow, but I trust You. I see not the purpose but I trust You.

My God I run to You hold me for a while for I am weary, restore to me my joy. Put back together my broken heart. As you work protect me for I am week. In you I find my refuge even when I have no strength.

Protect me, love me, restore me for you are my God. For you are my God when things are good and full of joy. You are my God when I can find no other joy except the joy that is found in you.

The Smile Returns: A Trip to Southern Seminary and More.

I went on a campus visit this week (Wednesday and Thursday to be exact). It was well worth the trip in many ways. I got out of the house for the first time in a while, days where beginning to run together, so it was great just to get away from home and even out of Illinois if only for a short time.
The hospitality of the S.B.T.S. was impressive. The had made an error with my room reservation that took all of five minutes to fix. Meals where taken care of as well for me and my guest. I really think that I could start to love this place. I got lost on purpose once just so I could see the friendliness of the people, I was not disappointed. The campus is beautiful and there where obvious improvements going on which was good to see.
I suppose I could talk about the Academics which I resist talking about. They are by far one of the most intellectually talented faculty I have researched so far. But yet again that was not what impressed me the most it was once again the hospitality. I spoke with a professor named Dr. Greenway, he is a teacher in the Applied Apologetics program (the program that I would be in). We spent more time talking about life and God then we did business and School. The time for that talk is approaching fast enough, no need to rush.

My visit was not all business however. I met up with a friend who I had not seen in a good while. It was a good visit though I wish it could have been longer. She is working hard in her studies at Southern, and even in the short visit we had I could see a growth spiritually. She is by far one of the most spiritually mature women I have met, I look forward to seeing what God can do when her school is over and she heads into the field of missions. I truly did enjoy that time as these last few months have been a stressful time for me it was a nice change pace.

Please pray for me as I begin the transition into this next phase of education and more importantly life. I never expected to be at a University let alone a Grad school. God had truly made more of me then I though I could ever be. I cannot take credit for my success God has placed so many people and events in my life. It is only by the placing of these pieces by a skilled and loving creator that makes what I am doing possible.

Thank you to all of you. Thanks for being willing to help me on this journey.

A Funny Story

Typically I try to provide my readers with serious posts that matter, well thats not what this is. I shall take a break from that for this post and share a funny story of something that happened at church on Father's day.

Every Mother's day and Father's day a lady in our church provides a small gift for mothers and fathers. The last couple of years she has been giving me a gift on Father's day. I don't know why as I am not a father. Well last Sunday was no different. I was given a gift and my mentor(who is also our interim pastor) said "Scott I see you have a gift there, I didn't know you had children. What exactly are they teaching you in St. Louis?" I can honestly say that is the first time in a long time I have been made speechless.

Currently Reading
Culture Shift-Albert Mohler
Nine Marks of a Healthy Church-Mark Dever
Currently Listening
Gaither Vocal Band
David Phelps
Currently Studying
Relationships
Manhood
Redemption
The book of Hebrews
Prayer Requests
My Church-We are struggling greatly
Our country
My family

I do hope everyone is well. I will be posting again this week maybe even twice.

To my Mother

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master." Mathew 25:21

As I think about my mother on this mothers day and the work that Christ was able to do through her I am amazed. She worked at many things: The mother of an adopted daughter, a disabled son, a girl scout leader, and a teacher of many in Bible school. I watched you fight and win a battle with cancer.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. " Philippians 1:6

I sat with you as your work came to an end. I waited with you as you waited to see your master. This work was not done for people but for Him. This is what made you special, you taught us how to love God in spite of what tasks we given. You taught us to love God because of the task not in spite of it.

"For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:11

I long to know the joy you felt as you met Jesus that day, I will be with you again but I still have work to do. I will take those things you taught me and use them. I hope that I will make you proud of me. I hope that I will meet a lady that you would be proud of. I love you, and miss you so.

I am proud to have called you Mom.

In loving memory of Mom:
Susan L. Mitchell
May, 29th, 1956-February, 7th, 2008

Looking back on the semester.

I can honestly say there has never been a semester at MBU that didn't present its own unique challenge for me. Be it working around a disability. getting used to relationships or the possibility of relationships, or dealing with family struggles far from home.

2007-08 has been no different but the level was indeed raised to a new high. The worsening of my mothers heath was nothing new we had been dealing with this for 11 years. I would soon find this year to be very different. In that Fall mom got worse and began treatments at Barnes Jewish Hospital, new treatment new hope. By December her health would be worse I chose to return to school somehow knowing I would be home soon. By February, I knew my life would be changed forever.
Mom past away at 10:55 AM Thursday, February, 7th. after a week of caring for her. My Job was the night shift, I would sit and watch momma and pray. "Please do not let her suffer, she loves you lord please take her home". I would sit in Mommas room with my winter jacket on because momma was hot so we had the AC on and all the fans.
I sat and held her hand the morning she passed away, no sign of agony on her face just peace. I laid down a bit only to be awakened by my brother telling me to go sit with mom she doesn't have much time left. I sat and still the same peace. Oh to know what Jesus was saying to her at that time.

Mom has been gone for almost 3 months now, just went to see the monument last Saturday. Sort of brought all things into perspective.
It reminded me of something John Piper said: God is not the most satisfied in times of happiness and we praise him, but it is when the pain seems unbearable and we say God IS ENOUGH."

This is what I have learned this semester GOD IS ENOUGH. The semester turned out good grades not to bad. I discovered the awesomeness of friends, and have found new people.

So to sum up the semester I would say GOD IS ENOUGH!!

Early Morning SpongeBob

So apparently around 8:30 AM I woke up and watched a few moments of SpongeBob. What makes this interesting is that I had no idea. I remember wakeing up and going to the little boys room, but it was a shock to me when John Shaw asked me if I remembered watching SpongeBob? I was informed that the T.V. was blaring. I didn't even know sleep watching T.V. was possible. Though if people can sleep and eat I guess it is possible.

I think I may sleep watch some more T.V. this evening, maybe this is an evolution of my cognitive abilities. Join me in a dream and we can watch SpongeBob together.

SWEET DREAMS and HAPPY WATCHING.!!

On Doubting God.

There have been many questions to pass through my mind in the last couple of months. I ask my self was I a good son? Did we do all that we could to get her the help she needed? What is God’s plan in this?

In all of these questions there was always a foundation. Not a foundation of cold-hard facts but the foundation that God provides us. This foundation is He. It seems to me that when people our scared, hurt, sad, or confused they tend to doubt the foundation. When bad things happen we run to God but then we doubt Him. All the while the foundation remains.

We must learn that when we have an issue with doubt concerning God that issue lies with us. Circumstances can be tough, questions may arise, but there is still the foundation. In our search for answers to questions may we search what God says about Himself and not what others say about God. Let us not rely on others to relieve our doubt but let us run to God and rest in Him. For in this time of doubt we must stay to what is constent outside sources are variable. God is constant.

"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27:14

An Awesome Spring Break?

Going into spring break I was worried. I had plans for this spring break, plans that where changed after the event that took place on February. 7th at 10:55 AM. Somehow, I am not mad, sad yes not mad.

I have spent the bulk of my time cleaning house, watching TV, and watching Dad sleep while trying to watch TV with dad when he gets home from work. Not at all what I had planed back in December. My original plans where to spend much needed time with Mom. She had not been well so I wanted to spend time with her. Nothing special just have lunch with her and talk. We would also watch a rerun of a show she had seen so many times before, but this is what her time was consumed with now that her freedom had been taken from her do to sickness.

Spring break 08 mom is loving Jesus and not in some boring way that we do she is loving Jesus, in that give him an actual hug sort of way. Her pain and sorrow melted away by His glory. her eyes clear once more. She is restored. What is all the better is that this will never ever end. This is endless. She suffered for a short time. to live for a long time. Oh the joy I find in my sorrow.

If you ask my why I'm a Christian I may give you more then on reason, but now I say I am a Christian because with Christ, my suffering has purpose, I am suffering for SomeONE not because of some thing. That is what made Momma special not because of who she was and what she did but because of WHO'S she was and WHO she did it for.

So our life is truly about Christ and not about us and thats not a bad thing that is just plain AWESOME.

Getting Back in the Swing of Things

I am back to school now. I find myself just going through the motions of school and not being active in the process.

Since coming back to school I have tried to get back to a "normal" schedule; unfortunately, that has been hindered by snow days, testing days, and just being very far behind.

My return has also been met with sadness, not only for me but for my brother and sister Jon and Lisa Hessel and their family. My prayer is that the family would come to love Christ in a stronger way through this tragedy and that through this time of pain that Christ would be made known throughout. My heart aches for my friends.

Making up the work:
I have began an Independent study in my Greek class so now I have the benefit of not one good teacher, but two. (Thank you God for taking care of this class, it was a worry.)

I will also be writing an extra paper for my Letters of Paul class due to the fact that I got like a 44% on the midterm.

Other then that, all is good. I didn't realize how much time I missed, but it was close to a month. It sure didn't feel like that long.

I promised some Bible didn't I? It is coming...especially in light of the last couple of weeks.

The Measure of a Man

I must say that the idea of manhood has been on my mind a lot for many different reasons.
One reason would be the over usage of the term "perfect man" that has popped up in many notes on Facebook and in responses to those notes.
The second reason is that the recent lose of my mother has forced me to take a look at the man that is my father.
And the third would be the Bible, and how it relates to me as a man, and how it seems to play a very small part in the search for a man (if it plays any part at all).

First let me start by saying, there has only been one perfect man to ever live and He wasn't married. This would seem to indicate that the odds of finding a perfect man are very slim.

To the notes on Facebook I would respond: While many of the qualities that were mentioned within the notes were good, all of those qualities could be grouped into what one could call a Christian man. I must say that the characteristics that frustrated me in the notes would be the physical ones. Those characteristics are the most changeable ones and yet they seem to receive the most attention in relationships or in the search for those relationships. Look for those who have the less than perfect smile, or maybe don't walk so good, or can't see two feet in front of them. Those people have most likely seen a few battles in their day and may have something to offer that requires you to look deeper to find.

On to the second reason: The recent loss of my mother has caused me to focus on things regarding relationships and so much more. I had the honor and pleasure to watch a man care for and deal with the loss of his wife. I had an opportunity to look at old pictures of the family (man...at one time I was one hot dude). I noticed a picture of my mom that just blew me away. She was beautiful! She was 23 or something at the time of the picture. She looked good! Over the years, life happened; work, motherhood, and illness changed her outward appearance, but all the while it was making her heart all the more beautiful. This was the picture my dad saw, and I did too, but not to the degree he did. To him she was still that 23 year old beauty that we only now see in pictures. To him she was and is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Whether it is the picture of physical beauty, or the picture that raised three children and fought and beat cancer for 11 years.

Why did I say all of this about my mom? I am talking about men right? Yes!

If you are looking for a man, find one that looks at you the same way all the time, and is still blown away by you even while you have the needle of an I.V. in your arm receiving your weekly treatment. May you look for that man that prefers the no-hair look to a wig that just isn't you.

The third part of my thought, and certainly not the least, is the Bible. An entire chapter is devoted to the search for a Godly woman in Proverbs 31; however, I can find no complement in the Bible in regards to finding a Godly man. The only example I can find is Jesus. When you look for a man, look for Jesus.

Don't look for perfection in a man because that is something you will never find. Instead, look for a man that is being perfected by Christ. He may not say the right thing all the time and he may even forget your birthday. He probably won't look the best either. But through the years you will find you didn't marry the best, you married someone who is being perfected by the best.

The Longest Yet Shortest Week of My Life.

It has been a long while since my last post. Many things have happened. all of them good in one way or another. I found out in the last week many things and in upcoming blogs I will discuss all of them at length.
1. I have a better understanding of Awesomeness of God.
2. I have a better understanding of the meaning of friendships.
3. I have a better understanding of the power of prayer.

So as fare as the last week goes, it started out with two very quick trips to and from St. Louis. Mom had been sick for quite some time and was once again not feeling well (I did not know at this to me seriousness of the situation). It was just going to be a routine visit home.

The first time I went home it was mom's condition is getting worse, but she will get better. I told mom and dad that I would be going to Louisville over the weekend and would be back the next Saturday(that would have been this Saturday). That would never happen however Mom passed away last Thursday, one week ago yesterday. (I find the last sentence hard to type).

In all of this I can find happiness however, I found out the depth of my MBU friendships. I have always heard that MoBap was a family, but I always thought no they are a college. I found out this last week that yes we are a family. The respect that I was shown by my family at MoBap was enough to humble me and to cause me to praise God for them. As I now grieve I know I have a college family who is there for me.

To all of you I say thank you! I will be back soon God bless all of you.

Why I love my Mobap family.

I am writing this post to my M.B.U family. I love you all and cherish your prayers. I do not know what the future holds but let me name a few things I do know. I have many awesome friends at M.B.U. My family and I know that there are so many people praying for us and on behalf of them I say thank you.
I have enjoyed the snow that came, as I have said in a past blog I love how things look with a fresh blanket of snow. We didn't get as much snow as we thought we might here at home, though I have heard that St. Louis did. Stay safe!!!
I received an unexpected blessing, the Greek test is delayed 1 week this will give me a chance to spend time with family and get things squared away for mom when she comes home from the hospital this weekend.

Let me say I love Jesus, it is only through Him that I keep my head up. "His grace is sufficient for me."
Mom and I talked about that particular verse before I left to come back to school. She had mentioned that she had prayed many times to be healed and still she continues to be sick. I told her,"Now you understand better then must what Paul understood when God told him, "My grace is sufficient for you".

No matter what the future holds, I know this I love the Lord, and so does my family. May God be made known through this time of stress and sadness.

Why do I love MoBap because? Because they love me. moreover they love Jesus.

Snow Day Anyone?

I am thinking about the possibility of a snow day. The kid part of me wants a snow day. I have not played in the snow for a long long long time. It just isn't physically practical for me. I would love just not to be practical sometimes.
I have learn that I am a very calculated person. I plan things way in advance and rarely do I just do things I would love just to be spontaneous once in my life. Maybe a random road trip. Though I would have to plan for a ride. LOL
Why do I want a snow just to be stranded inside a dorm room? To be honest it is because to be honest snow is one of the most beautiful things to me. MBU just looks awesome when under a blanket of snow. May we never grow so big that we loose that beauty. To be quite honest the beauty of the campus was one of the things that attract me to the campus.

The only thing that I don't like about this snow is that I need to get home. It is going to snow from here to home. I want to see the family and check in on mom who is not doing to well but still in good spirits.

My goal is to post again this week we shall see.

Decipleship and Evangelism

I promised to blog about my favorite class this semester so here it is.

I have taken D&E twice now (not proud of that fact). I will say how ever that I am glad I did. There is a young "old" man in the class who is 85 years old he has been married for 58 years. That would be the reciprocal of his age. He has been married longer then any other married persons in the class combined. He has been through so much. He got back from WW2 at the age of 20 wow.

I say all of that to say this, I respect this man and I don't even know him really. He has been married twice as long as I have been alive. He has seen more hartache, confusion, as well as other trials then I can imagine. This is a man who fought for some of the things I hold dear and often take for granted

It frustrates me to see young people these days and even people my age not respecting seniors. Whom are we to learn from if not from generations before us? We haven't had to fight for to much since the sixties, my generation by far is the pampered generation.

If you know me you know I am opinionated. I like to be heard. But when this man speaks of God I listen. When this man speaks of life I listen. When this man speaks of anything I will listen. Why do I listen? I listen for two reasons:
1. He knows more then me.
2. It is a form of worship of God. To respect those wise people God places in your life is to worship God's wisdom.

What What do I love most about D&E it is the diversity of people. from 18-85 years of age and all for the same purpose to learn how to make disciples. It is amazing that a man who is 85 would humble himself to learn. But then isn't that wisdom? I love this class but most of all I love the people.

2 weeks down. 13 to go.

This semester has gotten off to a good start. I enjoy my classes though Greek will be tedious (Greek is always tedious). I had what should be my last grad check last week 9 more hrs after this semester.
I find myself in a unique position, I have never been this close to graduating from college. The last time I was close I transfered to MBU. For the most part I started over, though I will say it was worth the move.
7 years as an undergrad has it advantages and disadvantages. I find myself with so many awesome friends that I would not have if I had graduated when I was supposed to(this is not to say my way has been the best way). I have learned so much about myself in these seven years. I have learned about myself, love, school, and life. These have not been the greatest lessons though. The greatest growth has come between God and I. I know and love Him more now then at any other point in my life. I just plain love God. He is making something out of this crippled fool. I think I may be becoming a man in the Biblical since of the word.

My favorite class this semester would have to be Discipleship and Evangelism. Why is this class so awesome you ask? Not only is the material awesome but there is a Man it the class that is such an inspiration to me. I will talk about him in a separate post.

My God bless all of you.
More to come in the near future.
Future topics:
My friend in D&E
Relationships
College
and More from the Bible (yay)

Break in Review

1. Break started it was like 50 degrees
2. Break ended it was like 10 degrees (I love Heartland Weather!!)
3. Mom went to the Dr. on December 13 she goes to the Dr. again on the 3 (My return date.)
4. I got cloths for Christmas (and it's actually a good thing.)
5. Mom was not healthy when I left, now she is on the mend. (What a difference three weeks can make.)

I did not get to cook over break, but I did get to do some of my favorite chores LOL such as:

1. Take out the trash
2. Wash the dishes (which is my least favorite chore. (Perhaps Hatred is a better description.)
3. Took care of Mom (that was nice and yet not nice at the same time)

It seems I have learned more then one thing from Dr. Greever 1 of them being how to make a list. I love you Dr. Greever!!

I have learned once again that there will never be a time when God is not awesome to me. He has yet again left me in awe. You see this is why I serve God. Because I cannot grasp His Awesomeness. It is not because of my choice that I serve Him it is because of His choice. I serve Him because He makes that service possible. I love Him because He changed my heart in such a way to make it possible for me to love Him.

To some it may seem that God is jealous. It is a good thing that God has a passion for His glory, because within that passion we find a willingness and an action to save us. So if that makes Him jealous then I say so be it. I have nothing to loose and everything to gain by my creator being jealous over me.

Would you like some Scripture? I'm in a Scripture sort of mood.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (ESV)

8^(M) Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me, ^(N) "My grace is sufficient for you, for^(O) my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that^(P) the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10^(Q) For the sake of Christ, then,^(R) I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For^(S) when I am weak, then I am strong.