Searching for restoration, a look at the Psalms and Salvation

To say that the last year has been a stressful one would be putting it mildly this year has been a year that has shaken me to my core. With the loss of a mother and a father within the last year I have found myself gasping for air.
I have had so much advice, but little encouragement. so much advice and so little help. I have never felt more alone in my life then I do now. Alone to the point that it has caused me to search my heart for salvation.

I reflect on Psalm 51 and Romans 5:1-11
I have chosen to reflect on these passages as the first is a prayer for restoration, and the other speaks of the power of Christ in suffering.
I have been put in a place that I have never been, and honestly in a place that I hope I never find myself again.

My sin has never been made more evident to me, my inadequacy made more plain. So I start by repenting, I have not trusted God as I should have. I have not loved Him as I should have. At times I have blamed Him for my sadness. If I where to redo anything would I chose to take my mom from glory only for her to suffer? Would I change things so that my dad would have stayed longer to help me in my selfishness? They are realizing their salvation and who am I a weak incapable man to be sad because of it.

So I ask God to "restore unto me the joy of my salvation," may I hope for it as much as my parents have realized it. May I long to share my joy with those who know no such joy.

In a search for the reason for my affliction I have found the answer in Romans 5:1-11

In this passage we are told since we have been saved "therefore rejoice in our afflictions. because our afflictions lead to endurance, endurance leads to proven character and proven character to hope."

Hope in what? Hope in Christ, our afflictions lead us back to Christ and is salvation. How can we rejoice? Salvation. This is how we can look at where we are no matter how bad and when we look at it though the eyes of our salvation it cannot compare.

When we see that Christ has seen fit to redeem us we can do nothing but rejoice. This is why Paul can make the claim that "all things work for the good of those who love the Lord" Rom 8:28, because even those "bad" things when God applies the fullness of his glory to them they can do nothing but work for us by the power of God.

May God bless my readers and may this post provide encouragement to you, for some of you I know are wearyand in need as I am weary and in need. May we find our needs met in Christ and may we draw closer in relationship through Christ.

Joy in Sorrow

If not for You my heart would break.
If not for You I would find no Joy
If not your joy I would see no purpose for the pain.

My heart indeed is broken, you you put it back together with the skill of a master. Within your hands my heart rests. I find more sadness then joy now, and from You comes my only joy. It is for You I get up and wipe away the tears, but it is not only for You but by You I rise.

I know not the reason for the sorrow, but I trust You. I see not the purpose but I trust You.

My God I run to You hold me for a while for I am weary, restore to me my joy. Put back together my broken heart. As you work protect me for I am week. In you I find my refuge even when I have no strength.

Protect me, love me, restore me for you are my God. For you are my God when things are good and full of joy. You are my God when I can find no other joy except the joy that is found in you.

The Smile Returns: A Trip to Southern Seminary and More.

I went on a campus visit this week (Wednesday and Thursday to be exact). It was well worth the trip in many ways. I got out of the house for the first time in a while, days where beginning to run together, so it was great just to get away from home and even out of Illinois if only for a short time.
The hospitality of the S.B.T.S. was impressive. The had made an error with my room reservation that took all of five minutes to fix. Meals where taken care of as well for me and my guest. I really think that I could start to love this place. I got lost on purpose once just so I could see the friendliness of the people, I was not disappointed. The campus is beautiful and there where obvious improvements going on which was good to see.
I suppose I could talk about the Academics which I resist talking about. They are by far one of the most intellectually talented faculty I have researched so far. But yet again that was not what impressed me the most it was once again the hospitality. I spoke with a professor named Dr. Greenway, he is a teacher in the Applied Apologetics program (the program that I would be in). We spent more time talking about life and God then we did business and School. The time for that talk is approaching fast enough, no need to rush.

My visit was not all business however. I met up with a friend who I had not seen in a good while. It was a good visit though I wish it could have been longer. She is working hard in her studies at Southern, and even in the short visit we had I could see a growth spiritually. She is by far one of the most spiritually mature women I have met, I look forward to seeing what God can do when her school is over and she heads into the field of missions. I truly did enjoy that time as these last few months have been a stressful time for me it was a nice change pace.

Please pray for me as I begin the transition into this next phase of education and more importantly life. I never expected to be at a University let alone a Grad school. God had truly made more of me then I though I could ever be. I cannot take credit for my success God has placed so many people and events in my life. It is only by the placing of these pieces by a skilled and loving creator that makes what I am doing possible.

Thank you to all of you. Thanks for being willing to help me on this journey.

A Funny Story

Typically I try to provide my readers with serious posts that matter, well thats not what this is. I shall take a break from that for this post and share a funny story of something that happened at church on Father's day.

Every Mother's day and Father's day a lady in our church provides a small gift for mothers and fathers. The last couple of years she has been giving me a gift on Father's day. I don't know why as I am not a father. Well last Sunday was no different. I was given a gift and my mentor(who is also our interim pastor) said "Scott I see you have a gift there, I didn't know you had children. What exactly are they teaching you in St. Louis?" I can honestly say that is the first time in a long time I have been made speechless.

Currently Reading
Culture Shift-Albert Mohler
Nine Marks of a Healthy Church-Mark Dever
Currently Listening
Gaither Vocal Band
David Phelps
Currently Studying
Relationships
Manhood
Redemption
The book of Hebrews
Prayer Requests
My Church-We are struggling greatly
Our country
My family

I do hope everyone is well. I will be posting again this week maybe even twice.

To my Mother

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master." Mathew 25:21

As I think about my mother on this mothers day and the work that Christ was able to do through her I am amazed. She worked at many things: The mother of an adopted daughter, a disabled son, a girl scout leader, and a teacher of many in Bible school. I watched you fight and win a battle with cancer.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. " Philippians 1:6

I sat with you as your work came to an end. I waited with you as you waited to see your master. This work was not done for people but for Him. This is what made you special, you taught us how to love God in spite of what tasks we given. You taught us to love God because of the task not in spite of it.

"For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:11

I long to know the joy you felt as you met Jesus that day, I will be with you again but I still have work to do. I will take those things you taught me and use them. I hope that I will make you proud of me. I hope that I will meet a lady that you would be proud of. I love you, and miss you so.

I am proud to have called you Mom.

In loving memory of Mom:
Susan L. Mitchell
May, 29th, 1956-February, 7th, 2008

Looking back on the semester.

I can honestly say there has never been a semester at MBU that didn't present its own unique challenge for me. Be it working around a disability. getting used to relationships or the possibility of relationships, or dealing with family struggles far from home.

2007-08 has been no different but the level was indeed raised to a new high. The worsening of my mothers heath was nothing new we had been dealing with this for 11 years. I would soon find this year to be very different. In that Fall mom got worse and began treatments at Barnes Jewish Hospital, new treatment new hope. By December her health would be worse I chose to return to school somehow knowing I would be home soon. By February, I knew my life would be changed forever.
Mom past away at 10:55 AM Thursday, February, 7th. after a week of caring for her. My Job was the night shift, I would sit and watch momma and pray. "Please do not let her suffer, she loves you lord please take her home". I would sit in Mommas room with my winter jacket on because momma was hot so we had the AC on and all the fans.
I sat and held her hand the morning she passed away, no sign of agony on her face just peace. I laid down a bit only to be awakened by my brother telling me to go sit with mom she doesn't have much time left. I sat and still the same peace. Oh to know what Jesus was saying to her at that time.

Mom has been gone for almost 3 months now, just went to see the monument last Saturday. Sort of brought all things into perspective.
It reminded me of something John Piper said: God is not the most satisfied in times of happiness and we praise him, but it is when the pain seems unbearable and we say God IS ENOUGH."

This is what I have learned this semester GOD IS ENOUGH. The semester turned out good grades not to bad. I discovered the awesomeness of friends, and have found new people.

So to sum up the semester I would say GOD IS ENOUGH!!

Early Morning SpongeBob

So apparently around 8:30 AM I woke up and watched a few moments of SpongeBob. What makes this interesting is that I had no idea. I remember wakeing up and going to the little boys room, but it was a shock to me when John Shaw asked me if I remembered watching SpongeBob? I was informed that the T.V. was blaring. I didn't even know sleep watching T.V. was possible. Though if people can sleep and eat I guess it is possible.

I think I may sleep watch some more T.V. this evening, maybe this is an evolution of my cognitive abilities. Join me in a dream and we can watch SpongeBob together.

SWEET DREAMS and HAPPY WATCHING.!!