On Doubting God.

There have been many questions to pass through my mind in the last couple of months. I ask my self was I a good son? Did we do all that we could to get her the help she needed? What is God’s plan in this?

In all of these questions there was always a foundation. Not a foundation of cold-hard facts but the foundation that God provides us. This foundation is He. It seems to me that when people our scared, hurt, sad, or confused they tend to doubt the foundation. When bad things happen we run to God but then we doubt Him. All the while the foundation remains.

We must learn that when we have an issue with doubt concerning God that issue lies with us. Circumstances can be tough, questions may arise, but there is still the foundation. In our search for answers to questions may we search what God says about Himself and not what others say about God. Let us not rely on others to relieve our doubt but let us run to God and rest in Him. For in this time of doubt we must stay to what is constent outside sources are variable. God is constant.

"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27:14

An Awesome Spring Break?

Going into spring break I was worried. I had plans for this spring break, plans that where changed after the event that took place on February. 7th at 10:55 AM. Somehow, I am not mad, sad yes not mad.

I have spent the bulk of my time cleaning house, watching TV, and watching Dad sleep while trying to watch TV with dad when he gets home from work. Not at all what I had planed back in December. My original plans where to spend much needed time with Mom. She had not been well so I wanted to spend time with her. Nothing special just have lunch with her and talk. We would also watch a rerun of a show she had seen so many times before, but this is what her time was consumed with now that her freedom had been taken from her do to sickness.

Spring break 08 mom is loving Jesus and not in some boring way that we do she is loving Jesus, in that give him an actual hug sort of way. Her pain and sorrow melted away by His glory. her eyes clear once more. She is restored. What is all the better is that this will never ever end. This is endless. She suffered for a short time. to live for a long time. Oh the joy I find in my sorrow.

If you ask my why I'm a Christian I may give you more then on reason, but now I say I am a Christian because with Christ, my suffering has purpose, I am suffering for SomeONE not because of some thing. That is what made Momma special not because of who she was and what she did but because of WHO'S she was and WHO she did it for.

So our life is truly about Christ and not about us and thats not a bad thing that is just plain AWESOME.

Getting Back in the Swing of Things

I am back to school now. I find myself just going through the motions of school and not being active in the process.

Since coming back to school I have tried to get back to a "normal" schedule; unfortunately, that has been hindered by snow days, testing days, and just being very far behind.

My return has also been met with sadness, not only for me but for my brother and sister Jon and Lisa Hessel and their family. My prayer is that the family would come to love Christ in a stronger way through this tragedy and that through this time of pain that Christ would be made known throughout. My heart aches for my friends.

Making up the work:
I have began an Independent study in my Greek class so now I have the benefit of not one good teacher, but two. (Thank you God for taking care of this class, it was a worry.)

I will also be writing an extra paper for my Letters of Paul class due to the fact that I got like a 44% on the midterm.

Other then that, all is good. I didn't realize how much time I missed, but it was close to a month. It sure didn't feel like that long.

I promised some Bible didn't I? It is coming...especially in light of the last couple of weeks.

The Measure of a Man

I must say that the idea of manhood has been on my mind a lot for many different reasons.
One reason would be the over usage of the term "perfect man" that has popped up in many notes on Facebook and in responses to those notes.
The second reason is that the recent lose of my mother has forced me to take a look at the man that is my father.
And the third would be the Bible, and how it relates to me as a man, and how it seems to play a very small part in the search for a man (if it plays any part at all).

First let me start by saying, there has only been one perfect man to ever live and He wasn't married. This would seem to indicate that the odds of finding a perfect man are very slim.

To the notes on Facebook I would respond: While many of the qualities that were mentioned within the notes were good, all of those qualities could be grouped into what one could call a Christian man. I must say that the characteristics that frustrated me in the notes would be the physical ones. Those characteristics are the most changeable ones and yet they seem to receive the most attention in relationships or in the search for those relationships. Look for those who have the less than perfect smile, or maybe don't walk so good, or can't see two feet in front of them. Those people have most likely seen a few battles in their day and may have something to offer that requires you to look deeper to find.

On to the second reason: The recent loss of my mother has caused me to focus on things regarding relationships and so much more. I had the honor and pleasure to watch a man care for and deal with the loss of his wife. I had an opportunity to look at old pictures of the family (man...at one time I was one hot dude). I noticed a picture of my mom that just blew me away. She was beautiful! She was 23 or something at the time of the picture. She looked good! Over the years, life happened; work, motherhood, and illness changed her outward appearance, but all the while it was making her heart all the more beautiful. This was the picture my dad saw, and I did too, but not to the degree he did. To him she was still that 23 year old beauty that we only now see in pictures. To him she was and is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Whether it is the picture of physical beauty, or the picture that raised three children and fought and beat cancer for 11 years.

Why did I say all of this about my mom? I am talking about men right? Yes!

If you are looking for a man, find one that looks at you the same way all the time, and is still blown away by you even while you have the needle of an I.V. in your arm receiving your weekly treatment. May you look for that man that prefers the no-hair look to a wig that just isn't you.

The third part of my thought, and certainly not the least, is the Bible. An entire chapter is devoted to the search for a Godly woman in Proverbs 31; however, I can find no complement in the Bible in regards to finding a Godly man. The only example I can find is Jesus. When you look for a man, look for Jesus.

Don't look for perfection in a man because that is something you will never find. Instead, look for a man that is being perfected by Christ. He may not say the right thing all the time and he may even forget your birthday. He probably won't look the best either. But through the years you will find you didn't marry the best, you married someone who is being perfected by the best.

The Longest Yet Shortest Week of My Life.

It has been a long while since my last post. Many things have happened. all of them good in one way or another. I found out in the last week many things and in upcoming blogs I will discuss all of them at length.
1. I have a better understanding of Awesomeness of God.
2. I have a better understanding of the meaning of friendships.
3. I have a better understanding of the power of prayer.

So as fare as the last week goes, it started out with two very quick trips to and from St. Louis. Mom had been sick for quite some time and was once again not feeling well (I did not know at this to me seriousness of the situation). It was just going to be a routine visit home.

The first time I went home it was mom's condition is getting worse, but she will get better. I told mom and dad that I would be going to Louisville over the weekend and would be back the next Saturday(that would have been this Saturday). That would never happen however Mom passed away last Thursday, one week ago yesterday. (I find the last sentence hard to type).

In all of this I can find happiness however, I found out the depth of my MBU friendships. I have always heard that MoBap was a family, but I always thought no they are a college. I found out this last week that yes we are a family. The respect that I was shown by my family at MoBap was enough to humble me and to cause me to praise God for them. As I now grieve I know I have a college family who is there for me.

To all of you I say thank you! I will be back soon God bless all of you.

Why I love my Mobap family.

I am writing this post to my M.B.U family. I love you all and cherish your prayers. I do not know what the future holds but let me name a few things I do know. I have many awesome friends at M.B.U. My family and I know that there are so many people praying for us and on behalf of them I say thank you.
I have enjoyed the snow that came, as I have said in a past blog I love how things look with a fresh blanket of snow. We didn't get as much snow as we thought we might here at home, though I have heard that St. Louis did. Stay safe!!!
I received an unexpected blessing, the Greek test is delayed 1 week this will give me a chance to spend time with family and get things squared away for mom when she comes home from the hospital this weekend.

Let me say I love Jesus, it is only through Him that I keep my head up. "His grace is sufficient for me."
Mom and I talked about that particular verse before I left to come back to school. She had mentioned that she had prayed many times to be healed and still she continues to be sick. I told her,"Now you understand better then must what Paul understood when God told him, "My grace is sufficient for you".

No matter what the future holds, I know this I love the Lord, and so does my family. May God be made known through this time of stress and sadness.

Why do I love MoBap because? Because they love me. moreover they love Jesus.

Snow Day Anyone?

I am thinking about the possibility of a snow day. The kid part of me wants a snow day. I have not played in the snow for a long long long time. It just isn't physically practical for me. I would love just not to be practical sometimes.
I have learn that I am a very calculated person. I plan things way in advance and rarely do I just do things I would love just to be spontaneous once in my life. Maybe a random road trip. Though I would have to plan for a ride. LOL
Why do I want a snow just to be stranded inside a dorm room? To be honest it is because to be honest snow is one of the most beautiful things to me. MBU just looks awesome when under a blanket of snow. May we never grow so big that we loose that beauty. To be quite honest the beauty of the campus was one of the things that attract me to the campus.

The only thing that I don't like about this snow is that I need to get home. It is going to snow from here to home. I want to see the family and check in on mom who is not doing to well but still in good spirits.

My goal is to post again this week we shall see.